Sorry for the big lag. Don’t get me wrong, Ireland was fun. But going back and cobbling together the past few weeks of police reports? Not so much fun. My favorite is the kid who saw the “Road Closed” sign on the 110 on-ramp, and took it as more of a suggestion. Very full report [...]

The scariest thing this week is the swine flu outbreak in South Pas. Or at least that’s what knocked me down for a few days. I think. Maybe I was just sick. Police report after the jump.

A nightmare of mine is being asleep when the bad guys break in. Yikes. And here’s some words of wisdom: When the parking officer asks you to move your car, just move your car. Yelling and almost hitting the parking officer … you’re kind of asking for it. Full report after the jump.

Grover’s Corners had Simon Stimson, Mayberry had Otis Campbell, and South Pas has a rotating cast of wandering inebriates. Full report after the jump.

Six DUI arrests and an employee plucks from the till at Wild Thyme. The full police report after the jump:

Attempted kidnapping, sex with minors, assault … this was not our best week. Full report after the jump.

So you wake up in the morning and can’t find your cellphone. Logical conclusion: Someone broke into your home and stole the phone while you slept. Just the phone. The full police report after the jump:

Two lessons we can take away from last week’s police report: No smokin’ in the boys’ room, and don’t smoke pot when you’re illegally parked. Really, just don’t smoke pot in your car. One officer used the questionable excuse of investigating a “suspiciously parked vehicle” to make a bust. There was also a bunch of [...]